the darkerside to rants

[Currently listening to: Pay Me My Money Down from the album "We Shall Overcome: The Seeger Sessions" by Bruce Springsteen]

Somewhat fitting:

Bruce Springsteen Pay Me My Money Down

Pay me, you owe me
Pay me my money down
Pay me or go to jail
Pay me my money down

I thought I heard the captain say
Pay me my money down
Tomorrow is our sailing day
Pay me my money down

Pay me, you owe me
Pay me my money down
Pay me or go to jail
Pay me my money down

Late last night we went into a bar
Pay me money down
They knocked us down with the end of a spar
Pay me my money down

Pay me, you owe me
Pay me my money down
Pay me or go to jail
Pay me my money down

I wish I was Mr. Howard’s son
Pay me my money down
Sit in the house and watch the work getting down
Pay me my money down

Windy outside…. Really windy, since yesterday actually.

It sort of itches me to go out running, getting away from this empty place called “home”. But running in those gusts is not always fun….. Oh what to do…. Life’s harsh.

[Currently listening to: Aganjù (Spiritual South Sub Rub) from the album "Seleçao Do Brasil Vol 2 Electronic" by Bebel Gilberto]

I can somehow start to understand (in a curious kinda intellectual way) why people do drugs. They change your perception of the world. They not necessarily make it better, but different. And as we tend to get easily bored, for a lot of people this is welcome remedy.

Take alcohol, it must be the most (ab)used drug on the face of the planet. I personally never liked the effects, though I am by far not a mean drunk. The numbers of times I have been drunk I can count on two hands (and hey, I am 31), and in every instance I either got sleepy or (more likely) philosophical, it stripped some of my reason away and made me more mellow, but still. Not my favourite thing.

I never smoked, did Hash or any other drug, so I can’t attest to their effects on me, though I have seen people high etc.

My personal experience is this little hormone called Testosterone, I don’t have it myself, so I have to rely on getting it into the system externally, which means ramming a needle into myself and pushing down on a plunger. Works great, and this morning once again I saw how much it changes perception, it’s a simple molecule really, but the effect it has on my mind and body are undeniable.

I was due for my new injection this morning, and after two hours the effects were felt. Just plain amazing, how a little chemical imbalance can mess with our minds.