the darkerside to rants

Seen outside the Tim Horton’s on West Broadway. How does one lose a shoe?

Having spent way too much time in coffee shops this past month it occured to me that coffee in large parts (e.g. Lattes) has become “big business” and not so much art anymore.

Starbucks (I guess in an attempt to have “even quality) seems to replace all of it’s Espresso Machines with automatic ones, meaning the barista just presses some buttons and the rest is done fully automatic.

So where’s the soul?

If it would be only Starbucks I guess I would just shrug it off, heck, they are a chain and they are supposed to deliver the exact same experience everywhere…… But the reality is it is also happening in other places, even indy ones.

I shed a tear for you my dear.

[Now Playing: All Eyes On Me from the album "Dizzy Up The Girl" by The Goo Goo Dolls]

Daylight burns your sleepy eyes
It’s hard to see you dreaming
You hide inside yourself
I wondered what you’re thinkin’
And everything you’re chasing
It seems to leave you empty

And it won’t take long to burn
All eyes on me
Through the nothing that you’ve learned
All eyes on me
And the things you choose to be
All eyes on me

But your eyes look away
It’s so hard to be someone
Strung out from today
And all that you knew slips away

You drown in deeper oceans
Inventing new religions
They smile and stab my back and
I lie and have to laugh

And it won’t take long to burn
All eyes on me
Through the nothing that you’ve learned
All eyes on me
And the things you choose to be
All eyes on me

But your eyes look away
It’s so hard to be someone
Strung out from today
And all that you knew slips away

And you hid in your room
And the light burns away
And you move from the truth
It’s all so far from you

This is just too cool, too bad that Chevy doesn’t like to tell the truth.

Let’s hope someone puts it up on YouTube soon.

[Update]

Someone actually did:

And s/he is not alone in this, there are more.

And remember: StopSUVs.org

[Now playing: Dizzy from the album "Dizzy Up The Girl" by The Goo Goo Dolls]

Too bad I didn’t had my camera with me. But on the way back to the Hotel yesterday I passed a coffee shop here in Van and most here offer free wireless internet (unless you’re in a Starbucks, then they charge you).

Anyways, I walk past by the window, which had a neon blue “frame” light, and five or six people are sitting there, all hammering away on Powerbooks.

Apple would have been so proud.

It’s bad. I just want to sleep, but can’t really. I am on the edge and dead tired at the same time.

What I lack right now is clarity in one thing that is utterly important to me on a personal level and of course in my usual self destroying way I am assuming the worst…. And that of course isn’t healthy out of a lot of different reasons, but how do you not just fall into the Abyss when you are already staring at it for the better part of 20 odd years?

Crap.

Can’t sleep.

So much has happened over the past five months and I am no closer to find some “salvation” than I was back then.

If anything, things have gotten more complicated…. I feel returned to 1999, but this time around I have some added complications.

Life was so much easier when I gave a fuck about other people (in an emotional sense, I always cared way to much from a “doing the right thing” kinda way).

So now I am sitting here in a hotel early in the morning, trying to figure out what the next step is. I stuck my neck out…. Far…. very far and maybe I get it chopped off…..

But the price that is (was?) dangled in front of my nose for the past three months was just too good….. I think I paid my price of admission, but as it goes, when other human beings are involved you simply are left at their mercy.

Someone have mercy on my soul.

It is called “Anarchy”, I like it so far.

Comments?